Irashaimase!!!

If there is one word that you will never use but hear ALL the time, it's this one. It is a welcoming term used by sales and service personnel. Everywhere from the restaurant to the clothing store to the hairdresser, it will be belted out as soon as you walk in. The skill lies in two areas, however:

1) How sensitive you are to saying it. I've had clerks sense my presence behind them and say it when I come within a certain number of feet. I'm sure there are sensors, but some might just have that ninja sense (what a waste to have to use it on, though).

2) Most importantly however, the true skill lies in how annoying you sound when yelling it. The key is to strike a perfect balance of noise, nasal and slur. It is debatable whether men or women have more natural abilities than the other, but I have heard some winners from both sexes.

My friend Jarrad and I have thus proposed a plan to organize a nation-wide "Annoying Irashaimase Competition". It will begin within each store's staffmembers, who would then choose a nominee to move onto the mall round. Each mall or plaza would then compete for city and prefecture semifinals, respectively. Then, the most highly-anticipated part: The Nationals. The most ear-splitting Irashaimases all in one room. All of them practicing to themselves, impossible as the notion of keeping an award-winning irashaimase to oneself is. Could you imagine crowning the most annoying irashaimase? It would be a Japanese milestone. Not sure what they would actually win, but the judges would certainly walk away with complimentary therapy and spa packages.

Yeah, right now it's just a seed... but we hope to see it bloom into fruition in time.